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I AM DEAD.

i have 2 assignments due next wednesday and i havent even completed them. SAVE ME SOMEONE.

however, tonight there is:
1. a footy match, west coast eagles vs sydney swans
2. mega dinner with serene, youyan, you shen, glenna, tabs, esther, debs, me, joash and my mom. (:
3. soccer match, liverpool vs arsenal and man u vs someone else and then chelsea vs someone after. still considering if i should go because i feel awfully demoralised about my assignments.
for: i wont be able to get any studying done tonight anyway and youyan and judy are going tonight.
against: i should stay home and spend time with debs, esther, glenna and gang.

SO HOW.

a shout of praise.
5:36 PM

yay (: today made the past 2 days seem a whole lot better than usual.

on monday, i screwed up my driving lesson, i made my driving instructor angry. ): it wasnt intentional! but anyhow, i managed to make him even more annoyed (i think) at me because i wasnt taking my practices seriously (at least not as seriously as his other students) and i think he got quite upset with me because i wasnt concentrating properly and nearly damaged his car (by running it off the road/not braking in time etc) and yeah, he cut short my driving lesson by 30 mins (of course he reimbursed me). it was that bad.

on tuesday, i went for my econs tutorial with my prepared tutorial homework, but i left out one question because i didnt understand the first part of that question and i couldnt be bothered to do the rest so i gave up. the thing about tutorials is that participation in tutorials are given a certain score out of 5. my lecturer always choses people to do whole questions, so i was hoping that what i did (i did everything else ok!) was sufficient and that i wouldnt be that unlucky to be picked for that particular question, but GUESS WHAT he picked me. YES i am that unlucky. and last week the same thing happened ): booo. it was sad.

the next embarrasing highlight of the day was when i went for my japn tute. usually the scheduled tutorial groups are one after the other in one day, but you only have to go for one
tute. and guess what, i went into the room at 1055 (my class starts at 11) and the sensei was teaching already, so i thought that was my class. BUT, then people started to stand up and leave and the teacher was saying like "sayonara see you tmr" kinda thing. then i realised that i walked into class while the previous class was still having lessons and i didnt realise it! omg, i was so embarrassed!

then at work, it happened again.
1. i was supposed to help boil some pieces of chicken but then there happened to be whole chickens in the pot and i was sifting through looking for some space to put my chicken pieces and then the cook was just urging me to just put it in and i stuffed it in and i destroyed a chicken that was being cooked in the pot and i got scolded again ):
2. i was supposed to take out curry puffs and siew paos from the kitchen to cook. and i had already taken out the curry puffs and put them into the deep fryer, so i had to take out the siew paos next. and i didnt know that you just had to stick them into the microwave to cook them so i threw them into the deep fryer too to cook. ): then i got laughed at by the whole kitchen. SIGH. my life was so miserable that day, everything just went wrong (until at night when God provided me with the songs for bs on fri (: )

so yeah, today was such a turn around i tell you. truely God's mercies are so new everyday. i had canoeing in the morning, and although i was so frozen by the cold weather (i think it was about 8-10 degrees this morning) and i had to wear 3 layers of clothes i was really happy because i got to spend time with judy and raymond and even joseph and even though i took all the shortcuts i was happy. and then i hung out with andy, nat, esh and kita during my break for about an hour, and i studied in the library, and i sat with the ocf freshie gang (so strange how they all just know one another) during my FA lecture, and then jap went by really quickly and i went shopping with my mom and i had an awesome dinner and i'm about to have girl's prayer meet! (: i'm happy. (:

so yeah. thats my point.
i'm HAPPY! (:

a shout of praise.
6:40 PM

a shout of praise.
11:48 PM

24th - andrew khoo!
26th - huiiii!

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you two
happy birthday to you.

a shout of praise.
8:19 AM

how impactful words can be, what is suggested, and how people will feel after what i say.

a shout of praise.
1:18 PM

i just learnt in econ history that the ring a ring a posies nursery rhyme is actually quite sadistic if you knew the history of that rhyme.

ring a ring a rosies
a pocketful of posies
achu achu
we all fall down

in the 1300s there was this pandemic bubonic plague thing that occured throughout the world and this event in history was called the Black Death. it was rather disasterous and wiped out heaps of people in Britain resulting in a labour shortage after the Black Death.

one of the symptoms of the plague was red patches on your face and body (hence ring a ring a rosies) and smelly flowers, in that time, was somehow suspected to be the cause of any plague and fragrant flowers were the "cure" to somehow shoo away the smelliness of the smelly flower so people often carried fragrant flowers with them (ie a pocketful of posies).

achu achu was some kind of sneezing sound - one of the symptoms (i think, i cant quite remember) but it symbolised the plague.
we all fall down - ie. everyone dies.

how sadistic right? i bet diann would LOVE it. hahaha.

i'm never teaching my kid this nursery rhyme.

a shout of praise.
11:52 AM

YES I DROPPED THE NOW EX-BANE OF MY SEMESTER (haha, get it? bane of my existence? okay not funny.) UNIT! :D

i feel so so much more relaxed now, i feel heaps better (: now the once contender to the most hated unit title has become the most dreaded - econs history ): but i cant drop that either because its compulsory if i want my economics degree so ): ah well. at least its just for this semester. thank God.

so yes. i dropped my math unit :D and guess what i picked up instead! JAPANESE! :D hurrah! finally now i might be able to understand my japanese shows that i get off sheryl. hurrah hurrah. i feel uber happy (:

i'm starting to feel rather hard working now, with math out of the way. it was such a put off. today i studied for 3 hours! (: feel so proud of myself, but then again, i probably was stuck on the same question for like 20 mins, which if you actually count, its quite a bit of time.

there's girl's prayer meet tonight! maybe tonight we'll cam whore for abit before prayer meet starts (: went with judy and her mom during my 1 hour break to catch the last of the connesieur ice cream sale at woolies in subi. (: YUMMY. now the house is stocked with cookies and cream and chocolate honey nougat ice cream. hurrah.

i love uni (:

a shout of praise.
5:49 PM

OH MAN.

my verdict on MATH1010 is that I WANT TO DROP THIS IRRITATING SUBJECT! it's so difficult and challenging and i do not like it one bit ):

now tell me if you understand and know how to do this question:

suppose

prove by contradiction if the statement is true/false.

SAVE ME PLEASE.

please pray that i'll be able to drop it now. i think i cannot cope with this math anymore. i suck. and 2 weeks and 2 days of it is more than enough. lets not tmr will be the last time i'll ever sit in that lecture. (:

hopefully i'll be able to do MATH1040, so then things will be so so much easier (:

oh btw, was watching raising helen with debs last night and this song has been stuck in my head ever since (cos its the sad bit where helen misses the 3 kids and how her life is so different without them and she goes and gets them and i love the music of the song so much and i keep playing the song so much that i think andrea would think i'm such a freak but its okay, i still love you andy (: )

a shout of praise.
9:44 PM

had driving lessons today. i think i have a serious problem: i cant tell my left from my right! these are some occasions where i forgot which was which -

senario 1
i was still a distance from the traffic light, but it is ideal to step lightly on the brakes so that the halting of the car would be smoother. however, what i always forget, is to press the brakes first and wait for the car to slow down first before stepping fully on the clutch. so what happens is:

me " ahh ahhh ahhhhh, red light red light!!!!!"
ah long "slowly press your right pedal... stop..."
me "ahhhh!" presses clutch instead with left leg (with right leg still on accelerator) car jerks forward almost banging the car in front before i suddenly remember about my right leg and jam breaks the car.
ah long at this point in time is very freaked out and wants to "jump out of the car" (he ALWAYS says that, at least 10 times in my driving lesson. my driving isnt as bad as he claims it is though. he really exxagerates too much. seriously.)

note: jam breaking happens at least 10 times today because we went through alot of traffic lights and stop signs and road junctions. haha.

senario 2
today we were practicing round about turns because i really abhore roundabouts because there's so many things to concentrate on, like turn on left/right signal, pausing at the white line, change to gear 2, looking right, lift up clutch without stalling, remembering not to touch the accelerator at all, turn driving wheel quickly, signal left (if right at first) when going out of the round about, speed up, change to a higher gear, move on. yes so many things to remember right! thats why i HATE roundabouts.

so what happened today was, i kinda forgot about signalling because i almost stalled the car and the car behind was following so closely and i got scared, so when ah long reminded me to signal right, i signalled left instead and i was going to go left when ah long continued to hold my steering wheel in the right direction and i almost got knocked down by a 4 wheel drive because i couldnt tell my left from my right.

oh man. i think i'm a road hazard. haha.
bends are the funniest though. :D i keep forgetting to slow down so i just swivel around the bend (not to mention sometimes forgetting to look in the direction of the left/right) and i get scolded by ah long again. thankfully ah long thinks i've had some slight improvement since the last time and he let me off practising turning. thank God. haha, we did that last week and boy was i atrocious.

at least this round i did like 5 times of parking (although it was really more than that because i keep overshooting) and 3 3-point turns (yay, amazingly i was pretty good at that (: )

yepp, so that was the more interesting bits about today (:
hurrah for kristi <3

a shout of praise.
4:54 PM

looking back there's alot of things i've regretted ever doing. blame it on being young, being materialistic, whatever it could have been, there's not much of an excuse. perhaps if i never made those mistakes, life would be very different right now.

looking forward, there's plenty of things that i fear. things that perhaps could go wrong, perhaps i could fail, perhaps my life would change even more.

looking at the now, the thing i'm most afraid of now is making the wrong move. will what i do determine the wrong path i will eventually wind up taking?

but looking at God, i know my life can not be more radical than it already is. i guess the most important thing i have to remember is He is my mighty saviour, and He has the power to save me from my fears and the power to take away my regrets.

i think one thing that keeps coming up is the need to trust in His eternal plan for my life, because all the little things He has done for me, shows me that He cares about me, even when so many things in my life already has gone or could be going wrong.


Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I - Casting Crowns

a shout of praise.
4:37 PM

i just realised that actually i have alot of homework from school which i didnt know about, the best example being the numerous books that i have to read for econ history, micro and FA. oops :S i'm so dead.

but then again, i dont really have to read anything for micro because i understand micro in lectures. and FA, i sorta understand it abit. maybe i should just read just in case. econ history is the worst though. thankfully i have joseph! my new found ocf friend who does econ history also (with a few other friends as well :D ) but the best thing is that we're preparing for the same tute presentation so that's really good for me. cos then if i dont understand anything i get help :D

had winter camp comm meeting today, and i think we're doing quite well. i think the next thing we have to do is start on the publicity (: yay.

anyway, my brother's over for the weekend, and youyan and yousheng (his brother) are over for dinner! all guys. sigh, poor me. but :D youyan is cooking for us so its okay. haha, and we can play bridge tonight! hurrah. so sad debs isnt around though.

i miss my housemate

a shout of praise.
4:22 PM

well, its an hour before work starts, and i'm sitting at home doing nothing but blog surfing, so i thought i might as well do something productive instead of clicking away. might as well work all of my fingers instead of just my thumb and index finger right? haha. anyways.

me and debs cleaned the whole house today! :D okay it wasnt really that fun but it was really tough work but the aftermath was good because i feel happy that i put in extra effort to make the house that we live in spanking clean and it feels so fresh! after that we went to barretts (a bakery across the road from where we stay) for lunch because the cleaning workout was just too strenuous for us and we got hungry then. (: i think it was a rather great day today, besides the 8am lecture that i had to go for! that was uncalled for, i'm getting really tired of waking up at 7 to go for 8am lectures everyday but, i think i'm considered quite lucky cos my friends have to wake up at quarter to 6 (5.45) to catch the bus to school which basically stinks for them so yes, another one of those little blessings from God. (:

yes work starts in an hour! i'm getting my pay today for the last week that i've been working. i have no idea when and how much pay i get, but according to judy i get 13/hour which is quite good salary. it seems like i get my pay every week! which i think is quite a good deal because this will fund this week's little escapade with judy to harbourtown for cheap summer sale shopping! (:

my bad habits of blogsurfing and being envious of others have started again! i think this is one of the things i have to be concious of instead of wondering why on earth did i end up in perth when i could have gone to either jc or ib or melbourne. i think its quite a painful and arduous task to keep reminding myself about how God has different plans for everyone, and the path that He has led me to is being in perth. i think i've been slowly seeing hints of God's wonderful plan unfolding in my life, the little good things that happens that make things right again. so my resentment? i think its my duty to stop being so willful and stubborn, so that i can let God be the center of my decisions and the goal of my direction.

here's something from "Passion and Purity" by elizabeth elliot which reminded me of God's plan for me when i did my qt last night:
"The growth of all living green things wonderfully represents the process of receiving and relinquishing, gaining and losing, living and dying. The seed falls into the ground, dies as the new shoot springs up. There must be a splitting and a breaking in order for a bud to form. The bud "lets go" when the flower forms. The calyx lets go of the flower. The petals must curl up and die in order for the fruit to form. The fruit falls, splits, reliquishes the seed. The seed falls into the ground."
learning to let go,being willing to be taught and disciplined is something that is part of growing up and maturity.

"This of the self that God has given as an acorn. It is a marvellous little thing, a perfect shape, perfectly designed for its purpose, perfectly functional. Think of the grand glory of an oak tree. God's intention when He made the acorn was the oak tree. His intention for us is ".. the measure of stature of the fullness of Christ." Many deaths must go into our reaching that measure, many letting goes. When you look at the oak tree, you dont feel that the "loss" of the acorn is a very great loss. The more you perceive GOd's purpose in your life, the less terrible the losses will seem"

i think, after much consideration,that the opportunity cost of not trusting in his purpose and will for my life far outweighs any other loss.

a shout of praise.
12:04 PM

just felt like posting another entry while i can.. i have a feeling next week is going to be ultra busy and i wont have time for blogging, probably. (just an excuse to stay more in bed).

i got another math assignment today which is due in about 1 and a half weeks time today, plus in history i got to prepare for 3 essays and a presentation which is in about 5 weeks and weighs about 50% of my semestral grade. not to mention accounting workshop questions which i have no idea how to answer. all these work means alot of reading up to do + hours of being in the library figuring out how to answer these questions + alot of paper and pen ink wasted + alot of energy wasted on airconditioning (=deforestation +global warming).

see how adverse homework & school is?

i think we shouldnt even go to school in the first place because of these reasons, since its not helping the environment. you know whats funny? i dont know why people say improvements in technology will lead to increases in environmental protection because in my opinion it makes the environment degrade faster because increases in technology would just lead to even more advance improvements, there isnt an end, thats why we're getting 45 degree days in what is supposedly autumn. poor earth. i wonder if God created the world to be destroyed this way (quite sad really)

and oh my, i didnt even know i had online math assignments that i had to do that were graded! and thank God that i realised today during my math lab session cos its due tmr, and i think its counted! stupid teachers and their lack of communication skills. (just kidding though, i think i can get sued for saying this on my blog. haha) but no names! *crosses fingers* but yes. i quite like math lab sessions because you dont really have to stay if you dont want to, means more time for meee on thursdays! (i start at 8 and end at 4 on thurs, by far my longest day, but its okay, i think math labs are good for me to work on my online math stuff. (: )

yay, weekend is here! (: quite busy actually, this weekend. school, ocf, work, swimming with judy, winter camp comm meeting, church, games.. :D would be quite fun and a breather from school (actually i think i've had too many breathers. i need to concentrate on school!).

i just realised how quickly time passes, its already going to be friday, and i thought i just saw my brother the other day. haha. oh well, i guess its partially because of the long weekend which he had. and oh my, the dilemma of his stupid basketball games. (okay i shouldnt say its stupid. i just find it irritating to organise things for him when he can do it himself. i wonder why i'm even doing it in the first place. but oh well, since he's my brother, but thankfully for my good organisation skill and contact database i managed to ask my dear friend judy for a lift to bring joash to school by.. get this.. 7.45am in the morning. how nice of her. we're having french toast after and going to harbourtown for abit to catch some of the last bit of the mega summer sale! hurray, more shopping for me! (:

more soon i hope!
peace (:

a shout of praise.
7:51 PM

so. second week of uni. i think i'm kinda getting the hang of it. math is really difficult though, wonder why i'm even doing it in the first place, its like throwing me into the deep end of the pool and leaving me to drown. and yes, i'm literally drowning in my pile of math homework that i have no idea how to do. micro s probably the only subject which i understand what the lecturer is going on about, and plus, i got a really cool lecturer who makes jokes all the time. incentive to pay attention to catch the joke = pay attention in lectures = get the joke and dont look like some loser sitting there looking blur. haha. just jokes. but nah, its cool. i like micro (: FA still sorta sucks cos i dont really understand, but i guess slowly i will (: econ history.. yes! i've made an awesome new friend called louise, and we are history buddies. i wish i was in her tute. (: that would make history alot more fun and enjoyable. haha. but that's okay. i think i like uni.

things have really gotten very different without jeannie though. how we used to talk about everything under the sun, from boys and dreaded homework to our christian walk and where God was leading us. and i guess i really miss that closeness. not that debs is any different. she is a really good friend now and i get along really well with her, but the friendship is sort of different, more like an older sister younger sister, not peer-to-peer. which has its both good and bad i guess. but oh well (: i thank God for having her even in the first place.

i'm really happy bible study is starting though, its going to be a major refocussing point. and i'm really glad that my brother's decided to join ocf. and although i know its going to be quite tough struggling with taking care of my brother on top of school, work and ocf commitments, but i think its good that he starts having some form of christian support somewhere. plus i think one good point is that his coming out every weekend might be the start of his becoming more responsible! i told him that from next term onwards he has to do all the arrangements for his transport to and from my house on weekends himself. lol, hopefully i wont have to intervent in anyway :P

i've just been thinking about how much my life has changed since a couple of years ago. alot of major impacts in just short amounts of time. sec 2 sec 3, still small and thinking i know what i want in life and what i want to do. sec 4 being a semi-crucial turning point with o's and alot of other things that happened that changed alot of things in my life. year 12 being the major pivot in everything, change of environment, moving out of my comfort zone, different everything. couldnt decide on what to do in uni, and i changed my preferences 4 times before deciding on econs/comm, and even now i still think its quite a scary combination. but oh well, what can i say? i'm weird. this year? what can i say. i'm in uni already, ahead of everyone else, feeling young, feeling old, being 18. but i think one thing that i've learnt the most since being here was to just trust where God is leading me. no matter how hard and tough the road seems, i've been assured that with Him by my side i dont have to fear anything that comes my way. (which contradicts my earlier paragraph about the math, and although i have every intention of murdering my lecturer i think i will survive this semster with hopefully a distinction in math 1010. i think i would be happy even with a credit, but i digress)

so yes. (:
thats my life thus far.
quite interesting hey?
:D

a shout of praise.
5:51 PM

Things are getting so hectic now, and its only the first week of uni! i guess its good in a sense, having just the right amount of activity to busy myself with, like school (or uni, whatever you call it. lectures to rush to, figuring out where everything is, settling down, printing stuff, borrowing boring old dusty books from the library for readings, whatever you name it), ocf (like winter camp comm stuff, freshie stuff to organise, etc), studying (yes, this is a category on its own! there's so many things to study!), getting organised, and now i've started work at chilliz (once known as student cafe) and yeah, things are starting to pick up! no time for blogging or myspacing, which is rather sad i feel. but oh well. i think i'm starting to get used to it already.

uni. how do i describe it. so different from high school. in high school, you kinda know everyone, or at least recognise the faces, the classes are tiny, teachers are fun and exciting, you know and understand things, well, most of the time anyway. in uni, i think the thing i'm struggling most with is the friends and understanding what the lecturer is trying to say. amazingly, the friends part has been so looked after by God. by his provision i've made at least 1 friend in all my lectures! in math: tim, in hist: louise, in micro & FA: sein, leo, tommy, alan, dwenna (which i met at orientation). so this is really cool. strangely i havent met a non-aussiefied asian (i.e. those who're here for the first time) hopefully tutes will be okay. but i'm sure God will provide!

the worst thing is when the lecturer talks in his own language. for example: in math, i dont understand much because the terms he uses arent really explained.. i guess you could always just guess the meaning or check it up on wikipedia or a dictionary, but you need to know it at that instant because its the crux of understanding the topic and grasping the concept of it, before you go home and forget what the lecturer was trying to get across to you. like me now. or like in FA, where i havent done accounting before in TEE (well i guess alot of people also havent done it before but have to do it in first sem because its compulsory), so i dont really understand anything in lectures, so i just glaze through a lecture. its not funny. because we already have homework and i dont know how to do it. i need help debs/jason/jon/raymond!!!!!!! save meee. (i think its so cool how my housemate is doing econs so whenever i need help in my subjects i can ask her. i'm so thankful for God's provision really. how everything always happens at the right moment, just when i need it, or not expecting it. too amazing to be just by chance/luck.)

driving lessons are really cool too! i think i can become a really skilled driver! :P haha, *ego* but of course the key word is can. haha, so i have the potential (and so does everyone, really), but i dont think realistically i can. hahhaha. i think i'll need ah long (my driving instructor) to sit beside me every time i drive so that he can step on the brakes (his car has pedals on both sides) before i crash into the car thats in front of me. i'm not very good at breaking you see. or changing gears from like 4 to 2 (larger to smaller). or starting up. i must remember: put to gear 1, lift up brake, hold onto clutch, tap on accelerator, gently lift up clutch to a certain point where the engine starts to revv up, and then when the car starts rolling, release the clutch completely, and tap on the accelerator more. and then after like 2 seconds, change to gear 2. haha. (saying is one thing, doing is another! there's so many things to do!) and i abhore roundabouts. how much do they want you to signal! its crazy! you need to signal right to stay in the roundabout, then left when you want to exit. and cos the roundabout it so small, i keep forgetting to change signals. and then ah long will scold me and then we have to go through the roundabout again so that i remember. ahh. but seriously. driving is quite fun. haha. when i eventually get the hang of it. (:

so ocf has just started too! yesterday was the first meet of the semester! public meet number 1. home bs officially starts on the 16th of march! i think one of the bs groups is going to be at my house. (: what an awesome location. i think its just because me and debs are both ocfers though. haha. but ): i'm not going to be in the same bs grp as jeannie and geraldine! but i guess its okay. (: we get to share the craziness around ocf anyway. (: at least we still have more discipleship with glenna! cant wait! i love my evil twin. (our group has officially become a quadruplet, because of our new additions, geraldine and my brother.. haha, its really quite funny actually. :P) i cant believe i've crossed over to the older side, just because i'm in uni now. the youngest of the oldest, says esther. but i guess things have to change. i've learnt that the hard way. i've realised that i need to accept change to allow God to work fully in my life. which can be difficult, cos i tend to stick with familiarity. mm.

oh well. time to do my laundry. updates when i next can!

a shout of praise.
7:57 AM